Be Considerate, Man

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

1 Peter 3:7 NIV

Be gentle. 

Be conscience of her womanhood.

Be appreciative, thankful.

These are the verses we discussed at a men's study I attend. The "Be's" are a few thoughts brought up. 

Most of us (men) struggle a bit with the idea of our wives being the weaker vessels because we see the strength God has given them. Frankly, my wife has to have a strong personality just to deal with me. I also think todays culture has empowered women in a completely different manner than in the past. But, the Bible is timeless and so is the truth that it teaches. So, I am sure weaker does not mean less than or inferior. 

I just know that I am supposed to love my wife like Christ loved the church. Peter says to respect her as the weaker partner. I think respect is a man word and has to do with value. I value that my wife loves our children attentively. I value that my wife washes the clothes. Now, that does not mean that I don't actively love our children and father them and it doesn't mean I don't help fold the clothes and put them away when I can. 

How do you think men should love and respect their wife? 

What is the women's part in receiving that love and respect?

All Purpose Advice

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32 NIV

I've read some great books and heard a lot of sermons on marriage, parenting, boundaries and love languages but, the best advice I've ever heard on any type of relationship  is right here in Ephesians. 

You can talk all you want, and sometimes you shouldn't, but if you don't forgive, you'll just be assigning blame. You can give each other space and sometimes there is not a enough in the universe, but, if you don't remember that YOU need to be forgiven, you'll just be trying to get the other person to change so you don't have to.  

Whether you talking about marriage, parenting, friendships, work relationships, or daily dealings with people in general, if you don't remember that you need God to forgive you, you will never get to enjoy people as God intended you to enjoy them. Forgiveness opens the door to grace. Grace from God to you and from you to others. You want to see God work, forgive. 

I Found What is Good

He who finds a wife finds what is good 
   and receives favor from the LORD.
Proverbs 18:22

Today I thank God for my wife and my wife for marrying me. It's our anniversary. 

Reverence: A Good Deal

But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall. 

Malachi 4:2

I think this is a good deal. I revere God's name. He heals my life. 

What can I do today to revere his name? 

I can read the Bible. I can pray. 

From the book of Malachi I can: 

• remember and thank God that he has loved me in Christ Jesus.
• be honest in my offerings to God.
• tithe.
• keep my marriage vows. 

These may seem simple, but, sometimes simplicity is the key to success. I find it profound that the last book of the Old Testament, Malachi, begins with the reminder that God first loved us. The New Testament will be the demonstration of God first loving us by the sacrifice of Christ on our behalf. Our response is to revere his name and love as he has loved us. 

Fear and Legalism vs Love and Freedom

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4:16-18 (NIV)

I have worked with two different kind of bosses/leaders. One is the person who leads by fear, the other by calm competency. I am sure you can relate. 

I have worked mostly in construction, restaurants and education. When I think of a "by fear" boss I think of one in particular who may have been, for me, the prototypical tyrant boss. He told me that if I didn't walk around with a pit in my stomach worried that something could go wrong then I didn't care and would not be ready for something that could go wrong. Consequently he would run around yelling at people, making up stuff to be upset about, accusing people of not working hard and generally just trying to make everyone work in a constant state of fear to "keep us on our toes". The real effect was that he was very distracting making people pay attention to a possible problem rather than dealing with the situations at hand. Thus creating more mistakes and problems which he would just yell about. 

The calm, competent people who I have worked with in a moment of crisis calmly identified the issue and resources and dealt with the problem at hand. I have seen this type of leadership deal with a house built one foot too tall, cooks and food servers not showing up at a restaurant (plus various disasters dealing with food), and anything from angry parents who want to deal out justice by themselves to fights and on campus turf wars. Calm and steady leadership always keeps things in perspective and seeks to resolve the issue with the minimum amount of damage. 

As Christians if we live under fear we are not free to love. Often we are afraid of being hurt, or of hurting others. Most of the time people make up rules to not get hurt. That usually ends up being legalism. For example, we fear the damage of alcoholism so we add to the word of God and say, "No alcohol." So, if someone has one drink, they are in sin or disqualified from leadership and condemnation keeps them free from being able to love. To be frank, I have seen a lot of people who didn't drink, dance, smoke or run with those who do (some of you older folks may remember that), cheat on their wives, lie, and do some pretty sinful things. Being afraid doesn't always stop you from being hurt or sinning.   

Loving God and my wife keeps me from being unfaithful more than being afraid of being caught. Love causes me to view everyone with humility and grace. People don't need my attention, they need Christ's love. So if I interact with another women (and as an educator I often do) I deal with her with respect and distance. Because I love my God and my wife I am not going to put myself in a place,  physically or emotionally, that will produce intimacy. I also realize I am an emotional moron. A woman's emotional language is on a graduate school level and I am in elementary school (probably kindergarten). Someone once told me that if a women talks to you about "a problem" and you can't identify  it and start to work on a solution in three minutes, she doesn't have a problem, she just wants to talk to you. 

Love is not afraid to do the right thing, to give of yourself or to allow others to freely enjoy what God has provided for them. Our faith in the love of God in Christ trusts that he is sovereign over our attempts to be like him and love in his Name. Try to love like Christ. 

Father, help us to be like Christ and love with the perfect love that casts out fear. Praise be to you in us today!

Love Is Not a Warm Fuzzy

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

1 John 4:12 (NIV)

"Love one another". What an iconic phrase, something we hear all the time. You see it on mugs, Facebook, Twitter and hear it in sermons and worship songs all the time. It has become what I call a warm-fuzzy phrase. It feels good to say but it's hard to do. In a way we have heard it so much that we are kind of immune to it's real meaning and true intent.

When it matters is when real love is needed to deal with the hurt and injuries inflicted by sin and our sinful, selfish ways of dealing with each other. Real, Christlike love is sacrificial, do what needs to be done, love. The writer of Hebrews said, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Emphasis mine.) Jesus was not feeling all warm and fuzzy on the cross, he was experiencing all the pain, separation and rejection of our sins. That is the love John is talking about when he says to love one another. 

If you are married, you know that it isn't a warm fuzzy that gets you through sometimes. Dying to yourself, forgiving a wrong that your spouse can not see or acknowledge, is what makes a godly marriage work. All relationships need Christlike love to make them work. 

How do you need to love today?

Father, thank you for your love for us in Christ, what he endured on the cross so that we may be your children. Help us to love one another like you loved us. Praise be to you in us today!

The Enemy Gets a Victory, Not the Victory

I knew something was amiss when an assistant pastor read Psalm 51. Not a few verses, all of Psalm 51 and asked the congregation to really think about what the verses meant. The enemy had a victory. One of the leaders sinned and was resigning. 

A marriage, a family, people, a ministry all decimated by sin, by the actions of people, real people. I can't imagine the depth of pain, betrayal and loss his wife is experiencing. That she chose to forgive and try to work through this has got to be one of the single greatest examples of love, forgiveness and grace I have ever seen. 

I called a friend of mine who I have known a long time and we have been through a lot, seen a lot and worked through a lot. We talked at least an hour. Sometimes it's not about pointing out the sin because that is obvious. Sometimes it's just about connecting in Christ.

Passion, like all emotions can be a two-edged sword. Unfortunately many people do not realize that a person who has a passion to serve Christ, see people come to know him as Savior and Lord, and then shepherd them to growth in Christ, is a passionate person. I think lust is uncontrolled and unconcerned passion. Pastor's can be easy prey for the enemy because they are passionate people. Some people might think that pastors, priests and preachers are almost immune to passionate desires and lust. No, they are human and just like everyone else. Here's a question or two: Who do you talk to when you are dealing with passion, temptation? Who can your pastor talk to? 

I hope to be able to help in some way. I think my relationship with him was just a bit beyond acquaintance because we were only able to talk a few times. But, if I can I will walk along side to help. In the battle for our faith, it is a loss. The enemy won a battle. Not the war, a battle. The war still rages. We fight on in faith, battling with mercy, grace and forgiveness. 

Father, may your grace abound. Praise be to you in us today.

Know That You Know God

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 

1 John 4:7-9 (NIV)

Lately people like to make a heart with two hands. Even soccer/futbol players did it after they scored a goal at the World Cup. As a guy I find it amusing that women love to post stuff about love. Love is this love is that. Love, to many people is a super strong urge or emotion (warm fuzzy) that compels them to attach themselves emotionally to another person and look to them for emotional fulfillment. 

I love my wife and have pretty strong emotions for her. But, if I only loved her when I felt like it our marriage would of failed a long time ago. I learned pretty quickly that love was about choice. Love is giving when I don't particularly feel like. If you know God and know his love you understand the depths of love, true love, what the Bible calls agape love. It is beyond friendship. It is beyond erotic physical love. It is love by choice, love by action. 

My wife kind of got upset with me one time because she noticed that I had written down on my planner to send her a note or buy her a little gift to let her know I loved her. I know she wanted spontaneous but, knowing that spontaneous doesn't do well with busy I chose to make sure I did something to love her. Let me tell you, sometimes the thought doesn't count, only an action will do. You know, actions speak louder than words. 

If we know God, says John, we love. If you don't love, you don't know God. We know what love is like because the love that God has for us was demonstrated by sending his only Son into the world that we might live through him. Get it? Love is giving. Love is action, serving others. 

Father, help us to love not just in word but in our actions. Open our understanding see the opportunities to love you place before us today.  Praise be to you in us today!

HOW TO LIVE IN PEACE

"Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one can will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12:14-15

I am not a marriage counselor and by no means do I have the perfect marriage. I have seen too many of my friends end up divorced and not because of unfaithfulness. The reason seems to me that one or both were unwilling to make every effort to live in peace. They made every effort to be right, every effort to stand up for themselves, every effort to do things their way, but not every effort to live in peace. 

More often than not, forgiveness and humility are necessary. If I don't forgive and remember that I need to be forgiven, I will just end up pushing to be right, standing my ground and allowing walls to be built up. That will end up being walls of bitterness. Bitterness eats away at the soul and weakens you. You don't get strong, you get brittle and weak. 

I  encourage you to take an honest look at how you deal with relationships. Are you making every effort to live in peace?

Father help us to remember the effort you put in to forgive us, even though we don't deserve it. Thank you! Praise be to you in us today!

WHAT GIFT(S) HAS GOD GIVEN YOU? / Matthew 7:9-10

"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:9-10

The best gifts God has given me, besides my salvation, which is a gimme, are my wife and my children. 

What is/are the best gift(s) God has given you? Leave us a note in the comment section.

Thank you, Father in heaven, for the wonderful gifts you have given me in my wife and children. Thank you for my salvation by which I can call out to you, "Abba, Father!" Praise be to you in us today!

OPPORTUNITIES TO ENDURE: Titus 2:2

"Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance." Titus 2:2

When I first gave my life to Christ I felt such a dramatic turn around within myself I kind of thought that if God continued to work as much as he did that first few years, that in about five or so he would have to take me home. I was young. I obviously didn't really get the depths at which God can work in our lives. I eventually realized that God had a lot to work on within me and following Christ was going to involve some patient endurance. 

I attend a men's study on Wednesday mornings. A friend shared that a battle he was having was his marriage was in shambles. You know, there has been times when I felt the same way. We made it through, but it really was a struggle for a while even though I believe we were both trying to seek God. Patient endurance can only be learned by going through something that requires patient endurance. My only hope was that somehow God would reign where I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually a light came into view. The only thing I could do was trust God and try to love my wife like Christ loved me, even though I apparently wasn't doing to that too well. 

The bottom line is that Christ patiently deals with me with his enduring love. And I am to love others with that same patient endurance. Life will present us with opportunities, we just trust God and try to love others like Christ loves us.

Father, help us to keep our faith fixed on you. Open our eyes to see your love in our lives. Help us to love as you have loved us. Praise be to you in us today!

HOLD ON BECAUSE THEY'RE HOLDING ON TO YOU: Titus 1:9

"He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it." Titus 1:9 

My faith, my holding on to to Christ as he holds on to me, not only helps me abide in Christ but those in my circles of influence, starting with my family. 

In my school district there has been this infestation of "coaches" for about the last decade. There is nothing more nullifying than a coach who couldn't teach trying to tell other teachers how to do their job. In the same way my wife and children are not going to hear me if I am living a godless life yet talk like I am a saint. 

Now, I must offer a disclaimer. In Ephesians 5:21-33 Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands and husbands to love their wives. Please notice that it does not say submit when your husband is Christlike or love your wife when she is loveable. It also does not say you are free to not submit or love when your spouse is un-Christlike. My point is that perfection is not what is being taught. Faith relies on the cross because we need mercy, grace and forgiveness. 

My children need me to encourage them to follow Christ when everyone else is not. My children need me to help them refute the lies taught to children about the origin of man and the reality of our Creator, Savior, Father and Friend. We don't need to be brilliant apologists of the gospel, we just need to point our families to Christ.

Father, help us to follow you as parents and spouses and to encourage our children and spouses to trust in you. Praise be to you in us today! 

YOUR TEACHING AND THEIR LEARNING: I Timothy 4:16

"Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers." I Timothy 4:16T

Sometimes I will be sitting on the couch reading my email or something on the computer and my youngest son will just walk over and peak to see what I doing. I think he's checking to see if I am playing video games. The point is he's watching. 

As a husband, father, coach, Scout leader and a teacher I am almost always in someones view. Watching my life and doctrine must be a constant. Doctrine is important because I act upon what I truly believe. What I believe about how people should be treated with come out in how I act. I find it interesting that this current generation is not as familiar with the golden rule as previous generations (ask a bunch of teen agers if they have even heard of it). It shows. I want my children to know that Christ laid down his life for them and that example is the example to follow. I need to follow Christ's example so that they might follow Christ's example too. 

Who's watching you? What is your life teaching them? What do you want to teach them?

Father, may our actions reflect you as we seek to live by faith in Christ. Praise be to you in us today!

JUST LEAD: I Timothy 3:7

During the last Presidential election Herman Cain was developing a lot of momentum and then a story broke out about some inappropriate dealings with some female employees. His run for the Presidency came to a screeching halt. If a political enemy can find a way to discredit someone, think about our enemy, the accuser of the brethren. What about our reputation within our families?  

"He must have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and the devil's trap.                               I Timothy 3:7

No one knows you like your family. I knew a pastor once who said whenever he would teach about the family his wife would just sit there and shake her head, east and west, because he was not living what he was teaching. So, he stopped teaching about the family until he began putting what the Bible taught into practice in his own life. 

I don't want to condemn anyone. I just want to encourage you to live by faith as a husband and a father. Being Christlike in your marriage and fatherhood is to be  the husband of one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome and not more concerned with money than your family. 

As husband and  father I encourage to pray with your children at night. Share a verse a day. Be the one that says, "Time for church, let's go." Be the one to say, "Let's pray about..." Just seek God with your wife and children. 

Here's the deal. Maybe you have not been the best leader of your family spiritually. Remember God's merciful grace and forgiveness. Just start seeking him. He will turn your family around. You don't have to announce it. Just do it. 

Father, help us to lead our marriages and families as we seek you daily. Praise be to you in us today!

TO LEAD YOU FAMILY, SERVE YOUR FAMILY: I Timothy 3:6

There is a marked difference between how Christ viewed leadership and how the world views leadership. Christ emphasized that if you want to be great you serve (Mark 9:35), while the world emphasizes being served. Humble leadership is what builds a family.

"He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgement as the devil." I Timothy 3:6

The point of family leadership isn't to always get your way. The need isn't to be always right. The goal is that I live as Christlike as I can and seek to allow Christ to reign in my family. 

The danger is when I (either spouse actually) seek to be king  of my castle and impose my will upon my subjects. The problem that Paul recognized with recent converts becoming church leaders was that they were easily tricked into thinking that their worthiness was warranted because of their innate righteousness. They became conceited. Think about Moses when he smote the rock the second time (Numbers 20:9-11). He got into trouble not because he got angry, but because he said, "Must we" as in God and I!  God will not share his glory. 

As a father. I am a sinful human, saved by grace, to live a life of faith by loving my family, which happens to be other sinful humans. I serve. I love. I forgive. I love. I serve. 

Father, help us to serve our families by faith in love. Thank you for you unfailing love and mercy for us! Praise be to you in us today!