All Purpose Advice

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32 NIV

I've read some great books and heard a lot of sermons on marriage, parenting, boundaries and love languages but, the best advice I've ever heard on any type of relationship  is right here in Ephesians. 

You can talk all you want, and sometimes you shouldn't, but if you don't forgive, you'll just be assigning blame. You can give each other space and sometimes there is not a enough in the universe, but, if you don't remember that YOU need to be forgiven, you'll just be trying to get the other person to change so you don't have to.  

Whether you talking about marriage, parenting, friendships, work relationships, or daily dealings with people in general, if you don't remember that you need God to forgive you, you will never get to enjoy people as God intended you to enjoy them. Forgiveness opens the door to grace. Grace from God to you and from you to others. You want to see God work, forgive. 

Love Is Not a Warm Fuzzy

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

1 John 4:12 (NIV)

"Love one another". What an iconic phrase, something we hear all the time. You see it on mugs, Facebook, Twitter and hear it in sermons and worship songs all the time. It has become what I call a warm-fuzzy phrase. It feels good to say but it's hard to do. In a way we have heard it so much that we are kind of immune to it's real meaning and true intent.

When it matters is when real love is needed to deal with the hurt and injuries inflicted by sin and our sinful, selfish ways of dealing with each other. Real, Christlike love is sacrificial, do what needs to be done, love. The writer of Hebrews said, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Emphasis mine.) Jesus was not feeling all warm and fuzzy on the cross, he was experiencing all the pain, separation and rejection of our sins. That is the love John is talking about when he says to love one another. 

If you are married, you know that it isn't a warm fuzzy that gets you through sometimes. Dying to yourself, forgiving a wrong that your spouse can not see or acknowledge, is what makes a godly marriage work. All relationships need Christlike love to make them work. 

How do you need to love today?

Father, thank you for your love for us in Christ, what he endured on the cross so that we may be your children. Help us to love one another like you loved us. Praise be to you in us today!

DO YOU NEED A BREAKTHROUGH?

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

I Peter 4:8

The very life of Christ, his death, his resurrection and his intercession demonstrate the truth of this verse! His love covers over the multitude of our sins.

I am a sinner, married to a sinner and we have four children who are also sinners. That means we all need God's love. God so loved us that he sent his One and Only Son to die for our sins, to forgive us. That act of love open a way for us to be his children, to have a relationship with the Father. Our forgiveness, our love opens the way for our relationships with each other. Without this forgiveness, this love we just have walls. There is much more to love than just forgiveness, as I Corinthians 13 points out, but forgiveness is a fundamental ingredient of our Christianity.  

Is there someone coming to mind as you read this? Is there a relationship where you have been hurt or you know you have hurt someone? Love, forgiveness covers a multitude of sins. 

Father, help us to love each other as you have loved us in Christ. Praise be to you in us today!

WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR?

"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. "

Hebrews 12:28-29 (NIV)

I am thankful for many things (my wife and children, friends, my job and co-workers to name a few), but my salvation and relationship with God must come first. God gives meaning to everything else. His love, forgiveness and grace are the cornerstone of the abundant life we are called to live. 

Father, we humbly thank you for all the many blessings you have provided. Thank you for our daily bread and for a place to call home. Praise be to you in us today!

HOW TO LIVE IN PEACE

"Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one can will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12:14-15

I am not a marriage counselor and by no means do I have the perfect marriage. I have seen too many of my friends end up divorced and not because of unfaithfulness. The reason seems to me that one or both were unwilling to make every effort to live in peace. They made every effort to be right, every effort to stand up for themselves, every effort to do things their way, but not every effort to live in peace. 

More often than not, forgiveness and humility are necessary. If I don't forgive and remember that I need to be forgiven, I will just end up pushing to be right, standing my ground and allowing walls to be built up. That will end up being walls of bitterness. Bitterness eats away at the soul and weakens you. You don't get strong, you get brittle and weak. 

I  encourage you to take an honest look at how you deal with relationships. Are you making every effort to live in peace?

Father help us to remember the effort you put in to forgive us, even though we don't deserve it. Thank you! Praise be to you in us today!

HOW TO TREAT OTHERS: I Timothy 5:1-2

When I first started teaching I was single and my approach and perspective toward my students was sort of as an older brother. After I got married and had children my point of view changed. I began to see them through the eyes of a parent. Now, part of my philosophy as an educator is that I try to treat each student like I would like my children to be treated. As a Christian and a leader Paul gave these words of direction to Timothy and they still hold good for us today.

"Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity."        I Timothy 5:1-2

Paul's basic message is to treat each other like family, like a godly family, because we are the family of God. If something needs to be said, say it, but say it with respect and love. I have been in several situations as an administrator where I needed to "correct" someone. Delivery is everything. Sometimes teachers had much more experience than I did, but, they still needed "guidance". I tried my best to be respectful yet truthful. I even wrote up one of our long time security guards once. I did not do it with anger and gave him opportunities to do what was being asked by the district mandate. Just recently our school got a new principal (I recommend him and think he was a great choice). The security guard came up and said he wished I was the principal. 

So, I encourage you to treat others, no matter who they may be, in a godly manner. God will bless that and use you. 

Father, help us to treat others with love because you first loved us. Praise be to you in us today!